Tony the Tiger vs Toucan Sam is the 2017 April Fools special of Intense Rap Battles of Craziness. It features Frosted Flakes' mascot, Tony the Tiger, against Froot Loops' mascot, Toucan Sam, featuring many, many, many other mascots. It was released on April 1, 2017.
SethIsMe as Toucan Sam, Cap'n Crunch, Buzz the Bee, FrankenBerry (uncredited), Barney Rubble, Dwayne Johnson, Kids Cuisine Penguin (uncredited), Pillsbury Doughboy, Uncle Ben, Quicky the Rabbit, Mr. Peanut (uncredited), Ronald McDonald (reused audio), Chuck E. Cheese (uncredited), Jared Fogle,Smokey the Bear, Phillie Phanatic and Good Year Blimp
Tony the Tiger: Edit
Grrrreat! Let us have a tasty rap debate!
Batter up, I'll throw a fastball in your face.
While I'm reppin sports, you're turning little kids chubby,
Gobbling down the high calorie crap, you're calling you're calling yummy!
You're loopy, you look you're on LSD,
Munch it down big-nose keep your diabetes away from me!
Unlike your fruity food, my brand gives kids smiles,
I'm at your grocery store and I'm running the aisles!
Toucan Sam: Edit
You've only got one flavor, I've got tons of different colors
and every dietician agrees they'd rather eat any other!
I've got the coolest lyrics, so you better run and scoot dude,
Or I'll force em down your mouth with a big bowl of froot loops!
Anyone who pours your cereal sees an unnatural disaster,
Go hit up a zoo and pack your bags, you bastard!
Follow your nose, it'll show you whose got the best flow,
Time to show this ho, whose running the show!
Rice Krispies: Edit
It's time we lit this house up, Snap, Crackle, and Pop,
Variety? Look at all the different flavors we got!
We're tasty, we're popping just be complacent,
You've got no talent in the mic or the bowl, just face it!
What's with animals and food? That's pretty damn disturbing,
All like,eat our food and you too can be furry!
We're the Rice Krispies, treating you to a quick loss,
Can't you see, this is a cereal you shouldn't have crossed!
Captain Crunch: Edit
High tides ahead, Keebler elves spotted starboard,
Sweeter than my cereal, you're gonna be lyrically slaughtered!
I'm the king of the sees and I'm an mmm-good marauder,
The Cap attacks and he'll crunchatize, you're a goner!
Mix flakes and loops and you get one big mess,
Sweeter than HFCS, you can't mess with the best!
I bet Sam's gay, because he looks super fruity,
I'll be kicking your arses and collecting my booty!
Sugar Bear: Edit
I'm here any time, breakfast, supper, or lunch,
Won't be calling you captain as you crunch on deez nuts!
Got a heart made of sugar, but I'm not gonna care y'all,
I got the right to bear arms and your raps are unbearable!
Got more flow than the milk in my bowl,
Don't think you're top shit, cuz y'all getting told!
Crispy like you'll all be when I finish my turn,
Sugar bear don't give a FUCK, you're all getting burned!
Trix Rabbit: Edit
Rub my foot for luck, stick it up ur boot
I don't give a fuck, u make me wanna cut
Ur too old to enjoy me cereal let alone me
This trix rabbit baby just whipped you for free
I'm hippity hop on the beat cuz I'm a rabbit
I can't eat my cereal, got milk god dammit?
U aren't prepared for how trill aren't for clits
Just know that, sugar, my dix are for kids
Buzz the Bee: Edit
Yo it's buzz the bee here to say hi
You may be for kids but that makes you a pedo
Sugar Bear's not even sweet, what the heck yo?
Tony, Buzz Buzz off back to your KKKelloggs
Honey Smacks you up, just like I kill frogs
Honeycomb in your mouth, reppin' Black n Yella
What I hear when they eat Honey Nuts: Hella
Monster Cereals: Edit
(FrankenBerry in bold, Count Chocula in italics and Boo Berry in underline.)
Suck it buzzed and I'm gonna be frank (booo)
Theres no one else to monster mash u so dank (booo)
Deez honey nut fucks need to suck my cockula (booo)
I rap so good call me Count Blackula (booo)
Blaze u like my rhymes and fly even higher (booo)
Cuz when I'm on the mic I spit vamp-fire (booo)
I'll get fruity yummy mummy and we'll screw this (booo)
I'll abuse your ass faster than Hitler beat le JEWS
Shut th fuck up boo berry I'll give you breast cancer
Rub my nuts for good luck and daddy gives it to you faster
I fucking hate immigrants they piss me off
I'm not an angry elf I just need to cough
This verse is almost better than hitler vs the wiggles
I'll eat all ur innards like strawberry smiggles
You think you can win but you leprican't
In the shower! Get raped! In your pants!
John Cena and Fred Flintstone: Edit
The champ has arrived and hes here to say
Hey what are you fuckin gay?
I'm the grandest of daddies who'll give u a smack
Call me the Dickman cuz it's The Nutshack
U can't see me now look at me in the nude
Shook u up like shackles dont call me dude
Ur all jews cuz u take a poo
Yabba DABBA doo
Barney Rubble and Dwayne Johnson: Edit
I can't c where ur goin with ur verse john cena
But I'll kiss ur butt like my name was Tina
Ur whole though guy act is a bunch of malarkey
Fight the patriarchy
R u count chocula cuz u fuggin suck
Ur ass is bigger than a semi truck
U think ur the champ but I'll call u a chump
Ur the only wee wrestler who's never gonna hump
Professor Weetos: Edit
I'll turn u to rubble with my chocolate flows
And lets be real the taliban are hoes
U look like a fucking crossdresser llama
I'll roast u like a dish in professor mama
So cmon u bitch show me what u got
I'll electrocute u all with 121 nigga watts
Suck on weez nuts ha got em
Now if ur so smart tell me where's bin laden
Kids Cuisine Penguin: Edit
Look whos here from the back of the freezer shelf
If u want good nutrition look anywhere else
Welcome to cuisine palace what would u rike
Thought this fruit rollup was a brownie? SIKE
We feed kids meals, dried up old eels
Feed 'em cuisine - oh the squeals
We hurt reviewers careers, beat meats and serve free
Well, a dollar fifty (get this mic of me!)
Aunt Jemima: Edit
You need African mommas to cook yo dinna
Silence you savages I'm the inevetable winder
Its very cold in here, my rhymes like wind
When you face aunt jemima, you greatly sinned
In every cookin competition i win
There's never been an award I din't win
Shut the fuck up and like my facebook page
Yo' gay and I win!
Pilsbury Doughboy: Edit
Ur rhymes make me laugh (ear raping laugh)
Im stacking dough ur too ugly
I'll dab on ur grave while I kill ur dad
with the knife i use while i dab
Ur syrupy nipples smell gross and look gross eh
I got a letter saying that u will die today
Nothing could prepare u for my soggy white sac
Hey aunt jemima at least I'm not black
Betty Crocker: Edit
Pilsbury ho boy ur just fucking trash
Ur like paula dean bc fucking hate blacks
Rub ur tummy and spill ur white goo on me
jk nobody wants ur spermy army
Which witch is which as I smack a bitch
With my fat stacks of cash cuz im fucking riiich
Cake more like cock everything u all suck
Just like the trix rabbit you're outta luck
Kool-Aid Man: Edit
OH YEAH sounds like me and all ur moms
Im breaking walls to drop some lyrical bombs
Spill the red blood on the floor then drink
I u need a straw then ur a fuckin prick
Im in family guy while ur making families gay
Betty Crocker is going to get murdered today
This extreme rap debate is coming to a close
Ohhh yeah, i need a ride home...
Quicky the Rabbit: Edit
Hey there betty crocker any time for a quickie
All u hav to do is slide ur hand on my dicke
U make me cringe more than roblox
and the kool aid man doesnt even have a cock
I'll beat u Ness-quickly and you will cry
You'll want to die even more than i want to die
Chocolate strawberry original and vanilla
I outrapped you and i aint even a nibba
Cool Spot: Edit
Im fucking cool u can call me cool spot
Im super awesome and u are not
w/ my glasses and gloves ill make u look lame
Get ur pretty lil ass ready 4 the rape train
Kachow kachow kachigga kaflame
Bitch im the mcqueen of this rap game
Beating ur ass was just Rust-EZ
Fuck i miss mater from cars 3
Chef Boyardee: Edit
Dude they should call you drink 9/11 up
Get on the top floor and suck boyardeez nuts
Mamma mia i want some lasanaga holy moly
Ravioli ravioli ur moms a fuking ho-oli
Call me Garfield bc i am so fat
And ill cook you up like im Remy the Rat
So get ready to be thrown into prison
U look liek u have weapons grade autism
Uncle Ben: Edit
Listen up sonny chef boyardee
With millions of lawsuits comes great responsibility
I died in spiderman but you know whats nice
Im still around to make some damned gud rice
Ur going into an orbit u stupid mutt
And ill shove spagettios way up ur butt
I have one last thing to say to u then
o fuk ive ben killed again
Peter Parker: Edit
Hamburger Helper: Edit
This battle's been dragon on long enough. Need a helping hand?
Its the insane psycho race shooting u down like in spiderman
Pack ur bags u bastard & turn up the fucking AC
Ur ass rapped worse than chester cheetah on speed
I have to hand it to u that ur the worst in the land
U could say i have this battle in the palm of my hand
Also fuck you tony the tiger
Chester Cheetah: Edit
Hey Announcer, get beat already
Its ya boy McWeezy
Ur mum is unlike me cuz it aint easy being cheesy
Its also not easy being green
But i'm orange so i guess that's different
FUCK did I fuck up the rhyme scheme
Cheetos cannot melt steel beams
My rhymes are flaming hot X D
It's safer not to fuck with meeeee
Finn the Goldfish: Edit
Oh my stars imma fish I will kill you bitch
Im the best orange thing since snookie's snitch
I come in many different flavors and have cute comercials
U just have drug addiction and rape disabled turtles
Like betty crocker bc I'm never fucking eating you
You wanna battle me? well i'll talk to my poo
I cant hear you over the crunching sounds i'm making
Wake me up inside bc now i'm fucking SLEEPING
Julius Pringles: Edit
give me a break u affluent halfwit
do me a flavor and pronounce things right
make all the puns you want, i forget them when i rap
now all your rap battle audios are just crap!
you wanna talk money? just look at my scales
go fuck off, everybody prefers whales
did you get my joke about the fat stacks?
now im gonna extort more money from the blacks
Mr. Peanut: Edit
Ha ha, here we go with that acapella verse!
i'm mr peanut i may be peanuts
but no ones gonna mess with me or you'll be nuts
bee nuts but not like buzz man
why im in this battle?...cuz man
crack my shell and see the true nutz inside
all of you are fatass liars i bet cuz you don't show ur true side!
Oh man, that was nutty.
Tootsie Pop Owl: Edit
im gonna spin my head like the exorcist bitch
and fuck your mom with my furry owl dick
i can see in the night, its a real thriller
get ready for me to rhyme thriller with killer
how many DICKS does it take for you to shut up
because a-one a-two a-three just isnt enough
you think its a huge dick move to bite
well guess what bitch i fucking might
(Red M&M is in bold, and Yellow M&M is in Italics)
it's M&Ms not the Eminem that's obscene
we dont melt in hands but we do melt steel beams
i'll tootsiepop in your mouth make you feel pain
how many warheads does it take to get to the center of Ukraine
im yellow m&m im red and together we're orange
Pringles try not fucking up your puns
or else i'll kick you in your left and right buns
Left Twix/Hillary Clinton: Edit
I'm left and I disagree with Donald Trump
hes a sex crazed maniac who only wants to hump
pro-choice, gun control, and open borders?
YOU FUCKING RACIST
Right Twix/Donald Trump: Edit
i'm right and you took my jobs
the 2nd amendment must always be upheld
put left and right together and u get twix power
it's the TWIX TWIN TOWERS
Big Boy: Edit
you do know that 2 wrongs dont make a left
guess what left rhymes with left
i coulda totally rhymed that with theft
thats how to make rap battles uh...shit
M&Ms stands for man and man, lame
it is because you are both gay
everytim ur mouth opened i just thought WOW
ur done being Pampered bc im a big boy now
Ronald McDonald: Edit
(Note: The following verses you are about to see are from another battle, Ronald McDonald vs Colonel Sanders.)
I'm Ronald, the MC Donald, here to serve this chicken!
You're old and creepy but definitely not finger-lickin'
So listen up, you dumb shit; you could use a Happy Meal
My raps'll rape you, Sanders, how about a sacky meal?
The only business you get comes from the niggas, Colonel!
Everything else you posses came straight from the urinal!
I was assuming but now I know you can't rap worth crap!
Order number fuck you! I hope you enjoy this Big Mac bitch-slap!
All this from a red and yellow Joker, down to his smile,
Or y'know, as I like to call you, a creepy fucking pedophile!
I may be from Kentucky, but I'm not ignorant at all,
You Chick-fil-A-hole, can you get down and suck my balls?
Were you fired from a kid's party 'cause of a strong buzz?
And no one knows what your products are even made of!
If you were one of my dishes, you'd be chicken; extra boneless!
Ordered up extra crispy with a side of "you're quite hopeless!"
How 'bout I strip you of all your chicken and leave you broke?
From the glasses to the 'stache, you're nothing but a joke!
Popcorn chicken in your face, motherfucker, you know I'm shoving it!
I'm grilling you deep, bitch, and I'm Loving It!
I'm serving the original recipe straight up with my disses,
Go fuck off to the playground, you know, where everyone pisses!
With food so enticing, I don't need to be pricey,
At least I don't have the gall to make my chicken spicy!
If you wanna mess with me, bastards, well, now you both have lost, see?
I've got quality raps so cold, you can call them large vanilla Frosties!
You Kentucky Fried Cunt, quit trying to cover up your animal cruelty,
And stop clowning around, Ronald, you wear twice as much make-up as me!
You're all just trying to get up on my buns, because you know, I make it hot!
I'm the fast food queen, you're as square as my patties, just in case you forgot!
So these cocks got beef, and though they may be counting salaries,
You just can't forget about causing the world's obesity with calories!
Sonic Tot: Edit
Wendy's the only bitch without a tater for her tots,
I promised myself I wouldn't diss her, guess not!
And there's a clown with more slime than Nickelodeon,
Also, your fries are sicker than the lambo I'm rollin' in!
Old timer, listen up, the future's about to speak,
Somebody's gotta tell you this, but your place fuckin' wreaks!
Have a dynamite milkshake, otherwise called a Sonic Blast!
I'd love to stay and chat, but you see, I gotta go fast!
Burger King: Edit
Boom! If it isn't the four edible heart attacks!
I'll whip and whop all your asses, burning you 'till you're black!
Whataburger I can serve and Whataline I can spit,
And Whatadiss I can shoot when I'm facing all you pricks!
McDickhead, your burgers suck, just a sheet of muck!
Wendy, you said it yourself, your buns are flat as fuck!
You want to keep fighting? Fine! Have it your way!
All you need to know is two letters: BK!
Little Caesar's: Edit
Salve inimici, now bow down to the great Caesar!
Dishing up Hot-n-Ready disses like my Deep! Deep! Pizza!
You're all greasy fucking fat-asses, but we all know who's the best,
And it's not the king, bitch, go have a sausage fest!
Sonic, you're so shitty, we'll call you restaurant '06!
Wendy, cool off and just go suck Taco Bell's dick!
Sanders is so small, we could just call him Chicken Little,
Donald's food is so trashy, consider, say, the McGriddle!
You know, it's been a Three-Meat-Treat listening to you spit your shit!
But I'd rather eat Chicken McNuggets than continue with this!
Oh, really? You want to sue me? Go call up your lawyers!
Prepare to be served with pizza, only five dollars!
(And now, back to your regularly scheduled rap battle.)
Say cheese! I fucking love cheese!
I fucking love fucking all of the holes in swiss cheese!
come into my ballpit u won't ever come out
Little Caesar ur food sucks, do you have the gout?
I'm the pizza king with my body Michelangelo
get 5 million tickets for a free ass kick
Here is my cheese, and here's my dick!
Freddy Fazbear: Edit
(Freddy's lines are--mostly--from Freddy Fazbear vs Slender Man.)
Walk into my restaurant? You won't even survive one night!
Because it's always 1987 when I step up to the mic!
I've got a really killer band that will rock your proxy crew,
And you're right, you're outdated! It's time we redesigned you!
You'll be strangled, leave you Mangle-d, then switch to Backstage view,
Where we took your useless body, and stuffed it in a real suit!
Your power's running low, keep your flashlight close at hand,
IT'S ME who's winning, Chuck-E, teleport away while you can!
Mickey Mouse: Edit
hi everybody im here to spread the good news
i hate Freddy Fazbear more than i hate the jews
like a community twitter feud only im here to cause destruction
my bars harder than when Minnie Mouse gave me an erection
ur the ones who went and turned me into suicide mouse
ur not an anime fan if u dont watch cory in the house
after this battle is over u can suck my goldman sachs
at least im not Kermit the Frog he hates the blacks
Jared from Subway: Edit
hey kids its Jared here to drop some bars
all ur jaws will drop as u dangle from my nards
rock out with my cock out laying it down
I don’t need to battle these fucking clowns
a role model to all I lost weight like a champ
wish I was sent to juvy that would make me feel damp
sure I’m in jail but that makes me stronger
I’ll give you my footlong only five dollars
Flo from Progressive: Edit
Yo hold on kids its flow in the build
you know who you mess with
life ain't easy when you rapping against Progressive
I fucked your mom she was very submissive
sprinkles are for winners so i'll get some wins quick
Jared your arrest, made me shit
I wasn't surprised you raped all of those kids
you know I'm very big in a child porn bizz
take off your glasses and I'll cover you in jizz
Geico Gecko: Edit
Flow you're so easy even a caveman can do it
to bad nobody wants your floppy crater tits
if I'm boring you check the length of my verse
15 seconds could save you 15% or more on RAP INSURANCE
even after I kill you and this battles finally pure
after you die i'll make sure none of you are insured
yeah I'm a gecko better than a fucking snake
your all worse compitition than that asshole named Jake
Energizer Bunny: Edit
I GOT THE POWER! FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FLOWERS!
I'M NOT PLAYING GAMES CALL ME AUSTIN FUCKING POWERS
FUCK YOU KNUCKLE FUCKS YOU ARE VERY WORST
AT LEAST I MADE A FUCKING CAMEO WINTER SOLDIER VERSE
I'LL CHARGE UP A FUCKING STORM WITH ELECTRICAL FLOW
SLAUGHTER THESE FUCKERS YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
DIE! I'LL FUCKING FLY! YOU'LL FUCKING COWER
NOW BACK THE FUCK AWAY CUZ I GOT THE FUCKING POWER
Gerber Baby: Edit
WAAAH! I'll fucking cry in public
especially when you're at church, DICK
Suck my tiny baby nipple, BITCH
reverse lactation makes me STIFF
god I want to FUCKING FUCKING DIE
I haven't even GOTTEN HIGH
You don't energize shit! Batteries are not the best
All you need is three letters,
Joe Camel: Edit
(Coughing while rapping)
You shoulda been aborted stop coughing please
And you make me want to wheeze
Your a baby and you need to accept your fate
that you will die before you ever go on a date
You might get cancer you might not though
All I know is that your mom is a ho
Because Luke I am your father you are my son
Who's your daddy? That's me I'm #1
Smokey the Bear: Edit
So I heard u were starting forest fires in my home
Like mccauly culkin ur all fucking home alone
I got the smoke to get stoned ho ho ho
It's Christmas bitch tits you're all getting boned
Here's a lesson to learn, you gotta be dank
But you fucktrons are just nothing but stank
You won't talk shit about this damn mammal
But now I need to kill a retarded fucking camel
McGruff the Crime Dog: Edit
Time to get gruff you fuckin sluts
Ur not tough u fuck ups u all are the mutts
Take these lyrics and shove em up your butts
I'll take these lyrics and rub em on my nuts
Make like a parrot and repeat after me
I wanna take McGruff the crime dog's D
If you all were ninja turtles I'd be the rat
Just shut the fuck up you're lamer than CATS
Cool Cat: Edit
im cool cat ur not so cool cat & this is a good verse
with ur testicles cut off u cant even reherse
you call yourself McGruff but I'll call you crypto
you're not super, you're more like a klepto
u r what u eat and u probably eat ur own shit
cats are better than dogs and you are a dick
stop fucking barking when it's midnight you fucker
i'll fuckin put you down just like i'm Tony Parker
Phillie Phanatic: Edit
Go team, give me an F, go team, give me an U go team, give me an C, give me a K
Let's start things off with this sweet verse, you can't beat me
I bleed red because I'm the mascot of the Phillies
I'm from Philidelphia it's always fucking sunny here
treat you like Van Gogh and cut off your fucking ear
ur a fucking loser if u think u'll match my legacy
its the steel city and im steeling this victory, u see
just shut the fuck up and suck on my big fucking mouth
i know you're gay bc u wanted to make out
Olaf (Frozen): Edit
You look like bordo I fucking hate birds
But let's be real you guys are all turds
The only thing you're fanatic for is dicks
I like tight hugs and i fucking hate spics
Kannt su sehst nicht? Meiner Schwarz ist Gros!
Your furry yiffing ass is what i hate the most
Don't step to Olaf or you'll face Sheer Cold
This should be illegal because im not 18 years old.
Optimus Prime (Transformers): Edit
Olaf you make me Olaugh when you're on the track
It'll be a cold day in Hell when you touch on my sack
You make my heart Frozen with your terrible rhymes
When you step up to me you'll have terrible times
I'll slap tour ass off with my big bang attack
I'll roast you like a Thanksgiving clap back
'll roast you like a Thanksgiving clap back
They call me Mr. Roboto for a reason you cuck
Are you a vampire? CUZ YOU FUCKING SUCK.
Clipart Banana: Edit
I'm in Mario Kart what the fuck are you in
new challenger approaches I'm a fucking shoe in
U can put me down on the ground and i'll make u slip
U need more potassium? K you can suck me like a dick
Stop being shit u can't identify as a good rapper
U all smell like poo ur just the best crapper
Yellow's the color of envy and u wanna be me
You're all less entertaining than...
Michelin Man: Edit
Get the fuck outta here i'm tire-d of your shit
I'll run you over with my car you are a dick
You want to be cool? Turn up the fucking AC
I'll brake you in half next time you pull up to me
You're miss-elin the point of this battle you see
I'm a man cis-gendered I won't let you breathe
Don't assume my gender you otherkin prickowl
Suck my muthafucking marshmallow dick.
Stay Puft: Edit
Yo raise up it's stay puft I stay puffed
Kick chumps and flip Coolcat butter side up
Cover these muthafuckers in butter I don't playa
Tell Michellin Man he should KILL HIMSELF
Step on your Jordans, just a prank bro
Just one step got me killed un the ghetto
You best be afraid of my Marshmellow flow
You a ho.
Green Giant: Edit
We are farmers BUM BA DUM BUM BUM BUM BUM
I'm coming for that booty fe fi fo fum
I'm leafy but not leafyishere get it?
'Cause apparently i come from trees i guees
(I don't really know to be honest)
Green for the puke on the floor i spill
Being this homosexual takes some serious skill
While i'm caressing your breasts there's nothing to fear
Without muy veggies in ur diet u'll never have a good year.
Goodyear Blimp: Edit
With my watchful eye I won't let you have a good year
Welcome to Compton i'll make sure you have a hood year
U may be green but i'm yellow and blue that's hot
And i'll make you have a bad year IN JUST THREE SHOTS
You're gonna have a sad year when you even try
And i'm gonna be glad cuz fuckin cash me ousside
You'll have a mad year when you realize you don't stack up
And I'll have a rad year when you all shut the fuck up.
Mr. Clean: Edit
IRBoC was good until you all joined in
You know what? I hate you more than my evil twin
You're not fuckin funny get off of this Youtube
Or I'll beat your asses faster than Hitler beat le jews
In my opinion you're a loser i should call you Donald Trump
You're all my cancerous than my malignant breat lump
I just to your verses and christ i need to get clean
Now bleach is the only thing that can clean the inside of me.