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Rap Ranter 6 Mario Vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme

Rap Ranter 6 Mario Vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme

Rap Ranter #6: Mario vs Link
is the sixth installment of Rap Ranter. It is a review of Mario vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme. It was released on December 13, 2015.

Intro Edit

It's time to go extreme and do my first rap battle royale review. And we're going to look into Epic Rap Battles of Extreme.

(the logo for said series is shown)

This is probably the most known battle from the entire series. I can barely remember all of them off the top of my head, and I can't go back to see them since the channel was deleted. But luckily...

(a screenshot of a channel named "My Reuploads" is shown. It has battles that were removed from their original channels.)

...you guys like to re-upload our embarrassing shit, and I was able to watch this battle. Boy Cline, have you given me Aids. This royale is known as Mario vs Link.

(a fanart of Mario and Link dueling each other is shown)

This was an unexplainable royale, but it might stop making sense after maybe the fourth character. You'll see why soon, but for now, let's just watch this from the beginning.

Battle Edit

Announcer:Edit

Eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh

E-pic Rap Battles of Extreme!

​B-Lo:Edit

God, it's like the announcer is trying to burp.

​Announcer:Edit

Eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh

E-pic Rap Battles of Extreme!

(B-Lo mockingly imitates how the announcer was sounding.)

Super Mario!

(The title only says "Mario", and doesn't have "Super" in it)

B-Lo:Edit

Don't see "Super" in the title card, but okay. Kind of a simple background, but kind of boring.

(an arrow points to a keying error on the left of the screen)

The keying in this part is just awful. It might have gone away, but we still don't want to see it.

(an arrow points to Mario's right foot, which is white for some reason)

Did Mario step in a pile of sugar? Why's his foot so white? And you can clearly see the tape on the mustache. Use clear tape, people. Also, I don't think Mario is even standing on the blocks right there. The Mario costume isn't bad, but it's honestly not good either. Like, the overalls look awkward and seriously, with the paper on the red hat?

Announcer:Edit

Versus!

Link!

B-Lo:Edit

Now before we talk about the OBVIOUS flaw here... (Dozens of red hand-drawn arrows point to Link's costume, which is a poorly made one) ...let's talk about other things. Like, Link's placement makes it look like his name is "Lin". This background is starting to get overused. Don't see it? First it was in my battle, Dovahkiin vs Link, both original and remastered. Then it was used in ERBP with Link vs Dovahkiin.

(As he says this, pictures of Link's title cards from said battles are shown.)

Now it's in this. Like, come on. I know this background's not hard to find, but Jesus! Okay, now let's get the big one out of the way. *inhales deeply* This costume is a bunch of shit! I mean, seriously?! Justin as video for Link?! Did you really have to make him re-live XP9 again?! (A screenshot of JMB as Link from XP9 Rap Battles' Link vs Alexander the Great is shown) Apart from IceKingFan vs Jared S. 2. (Thumbnail for said battle is shown) I know this sounds like shit, but I honestly would've preferred RLYoshi's stock footage from ERBP than this!

(A picture of RLYoshi as Link is shown over the ERBoExtreme version.)

(A hand-drawn circle is shown around Link's "sword", which is actually a machete.) And is this the Master Sword or the Master Machete?! Okay, I talked a lot and the rapping hasn't even begun yet. Let's hope this at least sounds decent.

Announcer: Edit

Begin!

Mario: Edit

(Rapping with a bad accent) It's-a me, Mario---

B-Lo: Edit

Oh, it's shit, it's shit, (voice trails off) It's a bunch of shit!

Mario: Edit

It's-a me Mario! I just beat World Link-Bitch!

B-Lo: Edit

Why Matthew as audio? He sounds nothing like him! "I just beat World Link-Bitch?" I guess it's making a reference to the worlds Mario goes through, but why are you stating that you beat him already? That's, like, the first line you say! I don't think I'm gonna last...

(A screenshot of Mario's bottom half getting cut off is shown.)

Oh yeah, nice cutoff.

Mario:Edit

I just spit more than you with a mask that won't quit

B-Lo:Edit

Okay, let's just assume after every line, I'm just gonna go... WHAT?! I mean I guess this line references Majora's Mask... (the cover of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask is shown)... but... I don't get it!

Mario:Edit

Don' try and hit, I'll stomp on you like a Goomba! (Mario stomps on a shruken Link)

B-Lo:Edit

(sarcastically) Like that hasn't been used a bajillion times. The Goomba line, too.

Mario:Edit

You're not a Legend at all, but I'm actually Super!

B-Lo:Edit

I'm pretty sure "Legend" sounds better than "Super". Like, you're called "Legend", you think like the hero, the knight in shining armor. As for when you're called "Super", you think like getting an A on your first grade math test.

Mario:Edit

Go back to Hyrule, where I rule, you're about to get schooled

B-Lo:Edit

Uh, Mario doesn't rule Hyrule. Could've said "Where I will rule" which would make more sense.

Mario:Edit

By the Mario Fools, you got a Fairy brain, did you go to school?

B-Lo:Edit

Did he just rhyme "Schooled" with "School"?

Mario:Edit

Go back to Hyrule, where I rule, you're about to get schooled

By the Mario Fools, you got a fairy brain, did you go to school?

B-Lo:Edit

Oh my god, he did. Did the Mario Brothers change their names to the "Mario Fools"? That's like changing the name of "ObamaCare" to "NAMbLA". And Why is he stating that Link has a Fairy brain? And if you think about it, Navi actually gives you important information, actually sounding smart, despite her annoyance.

Mario:Edit

It's over, Link. You lost 'cause your rhymes are profound!

B-Lo:Edit

Can we PLEASE talke about using "Profound" in a diss? Look. Up. The fucking definitions!

Mario:Edit

It's hard to battle me when you've BEN Drowned!

B-Lo:Edit

And can we ALSO talk about these creepypasta references in non-creepypasta battles? Don't use them!

Link:Edit

Will you ever get your hand up Peach's skirt?

B-Lo:Edit

Okay, before we get back, let's just put up a Sex and Gay joke counter.

(Sex/Gay jokes: 1)

Trust me there's gonna be tons of those here. Why Zack as Link? If you were basing it off Young Link...(an image on Young Link is shown)... then that would be fine, but since you got Justin for video, I don't think that's what we were going with.

Link:Edit

Oh HELL No!

B-Lo:Edit

Could've simply said "No". Don't have to be so dicky about it.

Link:Edit

My flow is like the money you'll never make, it's worth gold!

B-Lo:Edit

How can money flow exactly? Saying "the money you'll never make" makes it sounds like your flow is ass, but since you put in "it's worth gold", then I gues your flow is- ah, fuck it, this battle's confusing already.

Link:Edit

Your games are so repetitive, I'd rather play fucking Q-Bert!

B-Lo:Edit

So Mario's games like Mario Party, Super Mario Galaxy, and Mario Tennis have the same repetitive gameplay? Yeah, sure. Q-Bert is more fun... How is Q-Bert relevant to this?

Link:Edit

And then there's you, a pizza loving Italian bastard!

(the screen is shaking as Link says this line)

B-Lo:Edit

What's with people and this shaking effect? I've seen this so many times, that it's starting to be repetitiva, like apparently Mario's games. Also, whatcha got against the Italians?

Link:Edit

You're like Bomberman, 'cause you being here is a Bomber!

B-Lo:Edit

How is Bomberman relevant? And if you're trying to make a pun on "Bummer", than... yeah, I don't think you did. Being a "Bomber" sounds like a good think, why is this line here?!

Link:Edit

Yeah, I may be a little elf, but at least I'm not a fat plumer (plumber)!

B-Lo:Edit

I don't think Mario stated anything about Link being an "elf". Also, forgot the "b" in "Plumber". Come on, just 'cuase it's silent, don't mean it's not there!

Link:Edit

You're (Your) games never end-

B-Lo:Edit

Wrong "Your".

Link:Edit

So like Bowser, I'll get meaner!

(Justin's lipsync doesn't match the line)

B-Lo:Edit

Nice lipsynch, there.

Link:Edit

Stop this feud now, once I play my Ocerina!

(Link pretends he's playing said Ocerina with one hand)

B-Lo:Edit

It looks like you're chugging a pack of Nerds! It's not even how you hold the Ocerina! (a png of Link playing the Ocerina of Time is shown!)

Mario:Edit

Mama Mia! 'Bout to squish this little boy with my boots!

(Mario grows big and stomps on Link again)

B-Lo:Edit

Oh cool, another "Stomp you with my boots" line. Didn't Mario already do that in the first verse?

(a clip of Mario stomping Link from the Link the first time replays)

Mario:Edit

How can you rap, you fairy, when in your games, you're mute?

B-Lo:Edit

Link just rapped, stupid! Why are you calling him mute, when you seem deaf? Fucking hypocrite! And like I said in Smash Bros vs All-Stars, Link isn't exactly silent. Why do people make this assumption that he's like Jason Voorhees?

Mario:Edit

I know I may be fat, but at least I'm not a gay elf!

(Sex/Gay jokes: 2)

B-Lo:Edit

Also, now he calls him "elf"? Why wasn't that in the first verse? Did the writers screw up?

Mario:Edit

I'll burn you with a fire flower, then I'll make you burn in hell!

B-Lo:Edit

Also, can we fucking PLEASE talk about these "going to hell" lines?! They're overused!

Mario:Edit

Let's-a go kick his ass all the way back to the lost woods!

B-Lo:Edit

Who are you telling that to? No one's around except you two Looney Toons.

Mario:Edit

Let's face it Link, without my influence, your games wouldn't be half as good!

B-Lo:Edit

What "influence"? There's Mario cameos in Zelda games, but that doesn't count as an "influence".

Mario:Edit

Been beating King Koopa since the 80s with my rhymes!

B-Lo:Edit

That doesn't sound like a good strategy, trying to fight someone just by rapping. Have you heard Starbomb's "Hero of Rhyme"? The outcome on that song wasn't pretty.

(a clip from the music video of Starbomb's song "The Hero of Rhyme" is shown)

Link (Starbomb):Edit

By the time you swing your sword, I'm gonna- (Ganon swings his sword and Link barely dodges it) Oh! Whoa!

Mario:Edit

You say you have the Tri-Force, yet you can't tell the time!

B-Lo:Edit

The Tri-Force isn't a fucking watch! You failed trying to make the joke about Link being the Hero of Time!

(Cutaway to a gag between Link and Navi, both voiced by B-Lo)


Navi: Hey Link, what time is it? Link: According to my Tri-Force, it's... 12:00 Navi: You said that three house ago- Link: SHUT UP, NAVI! I'M THE HERO OF TIME!


Link:Edit

You're a fucking fatass, how do you fit going down those small pipes?

B-Lo:Edit

We already did the fat joke. Plus the warp pipes in the games aren't that small. I mean look at him right now, he's like a Slim Jim compared to the pipe!

Link:Edit

I'll kill you with my Master Sword, you won't get a second life!

B-Lo:Edit

Even though the original Super Mario Bros. starts you off with 3 lives. (a drawn oval appears around the sword getting cut off) And you can clearly see the sword getting cut off several times. Ironic, isn't it?

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo, no way you'll win this!

B-Lo:Edit

That line sounded rushed.

(the line is replayed)

Do you really want to get this battle done faster? Well, to be fair, I'm pretty sure a lot of us do.

Link:Edit

I'm the Hero of Time, bitch, don't try to make a diss!

B-Lo:Edit

These fucking filler lines! These two are are popular, how is it hard to write shit about them?!

Link:Edit

Swing my Master Sword so much, you could call be (me) Toby Turner!

B-Lo:Edit

Why the Tobuscus reference?

Link:Edit

Take your power ups, turn you into ice, then I'll burn ya!

B-Lo:Edit

Wouldn't that just melt the ice? Then again, you could just keep throwing fireballs, which would make the ice flower totally pointless.

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo-

B-Lo:Edit

Did we accidentally rewind? Because I'mpretty sure he said that before.

(Link saying "I'm the true king of Nintendo" the first time is replayed before resuming)

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo, end of discussion!

B-Lo:Edit

Oh my god! He didn't know he said the same line?! Was the lyrics not checked before recording, what's wrong with thes idiots?!

Link:Edit

I'm the winnder of this battle, so there's no competition! (he actually says "complexion")

B-Lo:Edit

Did he just say "complexion"? (the line is replayed) Oh my god, you didn't re-record that line?! When you say something wrong, re-record it, that's what everyone does! Okay, so Mario and Link are finished rapping, but *inhales* it doesn't stop there. Yeah, you forgot this was a royale, didn't you?

(add more)