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Rap Ranter 6 Mario Vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme

Rap Ranter 6 Mario Vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme

Rap Ranter #6: Mario vs Link
is the sixth installment of Rap Ranter. It is a review of Mario vs Link by Epic Rap Battles of Extreme. It was released on December 13, 2015.

Intro Edit

It's time to go extreme and do my first rap battle royale review. And we're going to look into Epic Rap Battles of Extreme.

(the logo for said series is shown)

This is probably the most known battle from the entire series. I can barely remember all of them off the top of my head, and I can't go back to see them since the channel was deleted. But luckily...

(a screenshot of a channel named "My Reuploads" is shown. It has battles that were removed from their original channels.)

...you guys like to re-upload our embarrassing shit, and I was able to watch this battle. Boy Cline, have you given me Aids. This royale is known as Mario vs Link.

(a fanart of Mario and Link dueling each other is shown)

This was an unexplainable royale, but it might stop making sense after maybe the fourth character. You'll see why soon, but for now, let's just watch this from the beginning.

Battle Edit

Announcer:Edit

Eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh

E-pic Rap Battles of Extreme!

​B-Lo:Edit

God, it's like the announcer is trying to burp.

​Announcer:Edit

Eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh

E-pic Rap Battles of Extreme!

(B-Lo mockingly imitates how the announcer was sounding.)

Super Mario!

(The title only says "Mario", and doesn't have "Super" in it)

B-Lo:Edit

Don't see "Super" in the title card, but okay. Kind of a simple background, but kind of boring.

(an arrow points to a keying error on the left of the screen)

The keying in this part is just awful. It might have gone away, but we still don't want to see it.

(an arrow points to Mario's right foot, which is white for some reason)

Did Mario step in a pile of sugar? Why's his foot so white? (an arrow now points to the visible tape on the fake mustache) And you can clearly see the tape on the mustache. Use clear tape, people. (a circle appears around Mario's feet, which aren't evenly aligned with the floor in the background) Also, I don't think Mario is even standing on the blocks right there. The Mario costume isn't bad, but it's honestly not good either. Like, the overalls look awkward and seriously, with the paper on the red hat?

Announcer:Edit

Versus!

Link!

B-Lo:Edit

Now before we talk about the OBVIOUS flaw here... (Dozens of red hand-drawn arrows point to Link's costume, which is a poorly made one) ...let's talk about other things. Like, Link's placement makes it look like his name is "Lin". This background is starting to get overused. Don't see it? First it was in my battle, Dovahkiin vs Link, both original and remastered. Then it was used in ERBP with Link vs Dovahkiin.

(As he says this, pictures of Link's title cards from said battles are shown.)

Now it's in this. Like, come on. I know this background's not hard to find, but Jesus! Okay, now let's get the big one out of the way. *inhales deeply* This costume is a bunch of shit! I mean, seriously?! Justin as video for Link?! Did you really have to make him re-live XP9 again?! (A screenshot of JMB as Link from XP9 Rap Battles' Link vs Alexander the Great is shown) Apart from IceKingFan vs Jared S. 2. (Thumbnail for said battle is shown) I know this sounds like shit, but I honestly would've preferred RLYoshi's stock footage from ERBP than this!

(A picture of RLYoshi as Link is shown over the ERBoExtreme version.)

(A hand-drawn circle is shown around Link's "sword", which is actually a machete.) And is this the Master Sword or the Master Machete?! Okay, I talked a lot and the rapping hasn't even begun yet. Let's hope this at least sounds decent.

Announcer: Edit

Begin!

Mario: Edit

(Rapping with a bad accent) It's-a me, Mario---

B-Lo: Edit

Oh, it's shit, it's shit, (voice trails off) It's a bunch of shit!

Mario: Edit

It's-a me Mario! I just beat World Link-Bitch!

B-Lo: Edit

Why Matthew as audio? He sounds nothing like him! "I just beat World Link-Bitch?" I guess it's making a reference to the worlds Mario goes through, but why are you stating that you beat him already? That's, like, the first line you say! I don't think I'm gonna last...

(A screenshot of Mario's bottom half getting cut off is shown.)

Oh yeah, nice cutoff.

Mario:Edit

I just spit more than you with a mask that won't quit

B-Lo:Edit

Okay, let's just assume after every line, I'm just gonna go... WHAT?! I mean I guess this line references Majora's Mask... (the cover of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask is shown)... but... I don't get it!

Mario:Edit

Don' try and hit, I'll stomp on you like a Goomba! (Mario stomps on a shrunken Link)

B-Lo:Edit

(sarcastically) Like that hasn't been used a bajillion times. The Goomba line, too.

Mario:Edit

You're not a Legend at all, but I'm actually Super!

B-Lo:Edit

I'm pretty sure "Legend" sounds better than "Super". Like, you're called "Legend", you think like the hero, the knight in shining armor. As for when you're called "Super", you think like getting an A on your first grade math test.

Mario:Edit

Go back to Hyrule, where I rule, you're about to get schooled

B-Lo:Edit

Uh, Mario doesn't rule Hyrule. Could've said "Where I will rule" which would make more sense.

Mario:Edit

By the Mario Fools, you got a Fairy brain, did you go to school?

B-Lo:Edit

Did he just rhyme "Schooled" with "School"?

Mario:Edit

Go back to Hyrule, where I rule, you're about to get schooled

By the Mario Fools, you got a fairy brain, did you go to school?

B-Lo:Edit

Oh my god, he did. Did the Mario Brothers change their names to the "Mario Fools"? That's like changing the name of "ObamaCare" to "NAMbLA". And Why is he stating that Link has a Fairy brain? And if you think about it, Navi actually gives you important information, actually sounding smart, despite her annoyance.

Mario:Edit

It's over, Link. You lost 'cause your rhymes are profound!

B-Lo:Edit

Can we PLEASE talke about using "Profound" in a diss? Look. Up. The fucking definitions!

Mario:Edit

It's hard to battle me when you've BEN Drowned!

B-Lo:Edit

And can we ALSO talk about these creepypasta references in non-creepypasta battles? Don't use them!

Link:Edit

Will you ever get your hand up Peach's skirt?

B-Lo:Edit

Okay, before we get back, let's just put up a Sex and Gay joke counter.

(Sex/Gay jokes: 1)

Trust me there's gonna be tons of those here. Why Zack as Link? If you were basing it off Young Link...(a png of Young Link is shown)... then that would be fine, but since you got Justin for video, I don't think that's what we were going with.

Link:Edit

Oh HELL No!

B-Lo:Edit

Could've simply said "No". Don't have to be so dicky about it.

Link:Edit

My flow is like the money you'll never make, it's worth gold!

B-Lo:Edit

How can money flow exactly? Saying "the money you'll never make" makes it sounds like your flow is ass, but since you put in "it's worth gold", then I gues your flow is- ah, fuck it, this battle's confusing already.

Link:Edit

Your games are so repetitive, I'd rather play fucking Q-Bert!

B-Lo:Edit

So Mario's games like Mario Party, Super Mario Galaxy, and Mario Tennis have the same repetitive gameplay? Yeah, sure. Q-Bert is more fun... How is Q-Bert relevant to this?

Link:Edit

And then there's you, a pizza loving Italian bastard!

(the screen is shaking as Link says this line)

B-Lo:Edit

What's with people and this shaking effect? I've seen this so many times, that it's starting to be repetitive, like apparently Mario's games. Also, whatcha got against the Italians?

Link:Edit

You're like Bomberman, 'cause you being here is a Bomber!

B-Lo:Edit

How is Bomberman relevant? And if you're trying to make a pun on "Bummer", then... yeah, I don't think you did. Being a "Bomber" sounds like a good think, why is this line here?!

Link:Edit

Yeah, I may be a little elf, but at least I'm not a fat plumer (plumber)!

B-Lo:Edit

I don't think Mario stated anything about Link being an "elf". Also, forgot the "b" in "Plumber". Come on, just 'cuase it's silent, doesn't mean it's not there!

Link:Edit

You're (Your) games never end-

B-Lo:Edit

Wrong "Your".

Link:Edit

So like Bowser, I'll get meaner!

(Justin's lipsync doesn't match the line)

B-Lo:Edit

Nice lipsynch, there.

Link:Edit

Stop this feud now, once I play my Ocerina!

(Link pretends he's playing said Ocerina with one hand)

B-Lo:Edit

It looks like you're chugging a pack of Nerds! It's not even how you hold the Ocerina! (a png of Link playing the Ocerina of Time is shown!)

Mario:Edit

Mama Mia! 'Bout to squish this little boy with my boots!

(Mario grows big and stomps on Link again)

B-Lo:Edit

Oh cool, another "Stomp you with my boots" line. Didn't Mario already do that in the first verse?

(the part with Mario stomping Link the first time replays)

Mario:Edit

How can you rap, you fairy, when in your games, you're mute?

B-Lo:Edit

Link just rapped, stupid! Why are you calling him mute, when you seem deaf? Fucking hypocrite! And like I said in Smash Bros vs All-Stars, Link isn't exactly silent. Why do people make this assumption that he's like Jason Voorhees?

Mario:Edit

I know I may be fat, but at least I'm not a gay elf!

(Sex/Gay jokes: 2)

B-Lo:Edit

Also, now he calls him "elf"? Why wasn't that in the first verse? Did the writers screw up?

Mario:Edit

I'll burn you with a fire flower, then I'll make you burn in hell!

B-Lo:Edit

Also, can we fucking PLEASE talk about these "going to hell" lines?! They're overused!

Mario:Edit

Let's-a go kick his ass all the way back to the lost woods!

B-Lo:Edit

Who are you telling that to? No one's around except you two Looney Toons.

Mario:Edit

Let's face it Link, without my influence, your games wouldn't be half as good!

B-Lo:Edit

What "influence"? There's Mario cameos in Zelda games, but that doesn't count as an "influence".

Mario:Edit

Been beating King Koopa since the 80s with my rhymes!

B-Lo:Edit

That doesn't sound like a good strategy, trying to fight someone just by rapping. Have you heard Starbomb's "Hero of Rhyme"? The outcome on that song wasn't pretty.

(a clip from the music video of Starbomb's song "The Hero of Rhyme" is shown)

Link (Starbomb):Edit

By the time you swing your sword, I'm gonna- (Ganon swings his sword and Link barely dodges it) Oh! Whoa!

Mario:Edit

You say you have the Tri-Force, yet you can't tell the time!

B-Lo:Edit

The Tri-Force isn't a fucking watch! You failed trying to make the joke about Link being the Hero of Time!

(Cutaway to a gag between Link and Navi, both voiced by B-Lo)


Navi: Hey Link, what time is it? Link: According to my Tri-Force, it's... 12:00 Navi: You said that three house ago- Link: SHUT UP, NAVI! I'M THE HERO OF TIME!


Link:Edit

You're a fucking fatass, how do you fit going down those small pipes?

B-Lo:Edit

We already did the fat joke. Plus the warp pipes in the games aren't that small. I mean look at him right now, he's like a Slim Jim compared to the pipe!

Link:Edit

I'll kill you with my Master Sword, you won't get a second life!

B-Lo:Edit

Even though the original Super Mario Bros. starts you off with 3 lives. (a drawn oval appears around the sword getting cut off) And you can clearly see the sword getting cut off several times. Ironic, isn't it?

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo, no way you'll win this!

B-Lo:Edit

That line sounded rushed.

(the line is replayed)

Do you really want to get this battle done faster? Well, to be fair, I'm pretty sure a lot of us do.

Link:Edit

I'm the Hero of Time, bitch, don't try to make a diss!

B-Lo:Edit

These fucking filler lines! These two are are popular, how is it hard to write shit about them?!

Link:Edit

Swing my Master Sword so much, you could call be (me) Toby Turner!

B-Lo:Edit

Why the Tobuscus reference?

Link:Edit

Take your power ups, turn you into ice, then I'll burn ya!

B-Lo:Edit

Wouldn't that just melt the ice? Then again, you could just keep throwing fireballs, which would make the ice flower totally pointless.

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo-

B-Lo:Edit

Did we accidentally rewind? Because I'mpretty sure he said that before.

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo, no way you'll win this ... I'm the true king of Nintendo, end of discussion!

B-Lo:Edit

Oh my god! He didn't know he said the same line?! Was the lyrics not checked before recording?! What's wrong with thes idiots?!

Link:Edit

I'm the winner of this battle, so there's no competition! (he actually says "complexion")

B-Lo:Edit

Did he just say "complexion"? (the line is replayed) Oh my god, you didn't re-record that line?! When you say something wrong, re-record it, that's what everyone does! Okay, so Mario and Link are finished rapping, but *inhales* it doesn't stop there. Yeah, you forgot this was a royale, didn't you?

(Trainer Red is introduced on screen as B-Lo continues talking)

Yep, the next rapper is Red, the Pokemon Trainer. The background looks really lazy. It's just a grassy field with nothing but a SnorlaxEspeon, and Pikachu. I'm not into the costume for Red, I don't think Jacob was a good fit for video. This looked better for Strangled Red, but not anyone else in Pokemon.

Red:Edit

What's up, bitches? Red Trainer has arrived!

B-Lo:Edit

What's with his voice?! He sounds like he was smoking while he was getting the wind knocked out of him!

Red:Edit

By the end of this battle, you'll never make it out alive!

B-Lo:Edit

Should we just count the filler lines to- nah, we already have a counter, it'll be hard to keep up with both.

Red:Edit

Imma shock you like a Pikachu, and flame you like a Charizard!

(a clip from Video Game Rap BattlesAsh Ketchum vs Super Mario is shown)

Ash Ketchum (VGRB):Edit

I'll burn you like a Charizard, zap you like a Pikachu,

Whip you like a Venusaur, beat you like a Riolu!

B-Lo:Edit

Apparently, Charizard knows the Hadouken. And what's with these people in these close-up shots constantly looking to the sides?

Red:Edit

You have to realize that you both won't get far!

B-Lo:Edit

Okay, fine! I'll put up a filler counter!

(several previous lines that are "Filler lines" are replayed)

Link:Edit

And then there's you, a pizza loving Italian bastard!

(Filler Lines: 1)

I'm the true king of Nintendo, no way you'll win this!

(Filler Lines: 2)

I'm the Hero of Time, Bitch! Don't try to make a diss!

(Filler Lines: 3)

I'm the winner of the battle, so there's no complexion!

(Filler Lines: 4)

Red:Edit

What's up, bitches? Red Trainer has arrived!

(Filler Lines: 5)

By the end of this battle, you'll never make it out alive!

(Filler Lines: 6)

You have to realize that you both won't get far!

(Filler Lines: 7)

Link:Edit

I'm the true king of Nintendo, end of discussion!

(Filler Lines: 8)

B-Lo:Edit

Okay, Jesus Christ! It was that many, what the fuck?! Anyway, look at this shot, Red looks so tiny! Mario isn't that fat for fucks sake!

Red:Edit

I got Squirtle and Ivysaur by my side, there's nothing you can do!

B-Lo:Edit

Why are we basing it off of Smash Brothers? You get to choose your own Pokemon, Smash Brothers isn't you to go guide about video game characters!

Red:Edit

You two are worse than my enemy, Blue! (Red points behind himself, but no one is there.)

B-Lo:Edit

Where is he?

Red:Edit

You're gonna get screwed 'cause you're about the fall!

(Filler Lines: 9)

B-Lo:Edit

No references whatsoever.

Red:Edit

You can't win this, so come and suck my Pokeballs! (Red gets close to the camera)

(Filler Lines: 10, Sex/Gay jokes: 3)

B-Lo:Edit

Can you back up, Mr. Cross-eyed?

(The camera pans far away from Red)

Whoa, I didn't mean that far. So that was Red's verse, and we get this long ass buildup to... fuck it. Skip this part.

(Mega Man appears. Unlike the rest of the characters who are portayed live-action, he's a sprite)

Mega Man:Edit

It's Mega Man here---

B-Lo:Edit

That's right; a 20 second buildup with just Red standing there like a brainless idiot to Mega Man. Why is Mega Man a sprite? He's the only sprite character in here, which is out of place!

Mega Man:Edit

It's Mega Man here, time to finish off this rivalry

(Filler Lines: 11)

B-Lo:Edit

What kind of voice is this? Why's he so monotone?! I know he's a robot, but he doesn't sound like this! The voice from the anime series was more fitting than this! Hell, C-3PO sounds better at rapping (a clip from the rap battle C-3PO vs Luke Skywalker by KFaceTV is shown)

C-3PO:Edit

Odds of Luke winning are 0 to none

Your father made me first, I'm the original son

Trust yout instincts Luke, and give up the rap game

'Cuz you couldn't even shoot me from a point-blank range

Mega Man:Edit

Once I bring the heat, you guys will be feeling the irony

(Filler Lines: 12)

B-Lo:Edit

What "irony" does he speak of? I'll get it from Mario with the fire flower, but the others, what does that mean? Definitions, look it up! Plus, Mega Man looks like he got a quick tan in this shot.

Mega Man:Edit

Link, you're just a faggot

(Sex/Gay Jokes: 4)

B-Lo:Edit

Nice.

Mega Man:Edit

Mario, stop being such a furry ("fury" in the subtitles)

(Filler Lines: 13, Sex/Gay Jokes: 5)

B-Lo:Edit

"Furry" or "Fury"?

Mega Man:Edit

Red, you're the worst, stop promoting animal cruelty!

(In this shot, Mega Man's sprit is almost as tall as Red)

B-Lo:Edit

For god's sake, get their sizes right! Mega Man looks like a Chuck E. Cheese mascot!

Mega Man:Edit

I was dead but now I'm back to beat you all finally!

B-Lo:Edit

Why did you state that you were dead? And you said you wanna beat them like it was your life goal.

Mega Man:Edit

I've got the perfect plan to win--

B-Lo:Edit

Oh, I think it is his life goal. What do you got against Mario, Link, and Red?

Mega Man:Edit

-- just ask Dr. Wily.

(Frenzy appears as Dr.Wily)

B-Lo:Edit

What the fuck is that?! This is Frenzy as Doc Brown from Bill and Ted vs Doctor Who. (a screenshot of Frenzy in said battle is shown over the stock footage) Wily has a mustache, don't use stock footage of the person that isn't the one you're speaking of! This stock footage makes no sense! Mega Man was made by Dr. Light (a png of Dr. Light is shown). Did he go to Wily so he can work with him on his evil plan to beat these guys in a rap battle?

(Cutaway to a gag with Dr. Wily, voiced by B-Lo)

Dr Wily: Make sure your verse has lots of fillers and sex jokes.

Mega Man:Edit

In the Smash, I'll beat you all because bullets shoot faster

B-Lo:Edit

"In the Smash?" "Bullets shoot faster?" Who wrote this?!

Mega Man:Edit

Y'all will plummet into disaster when I shoot my Mega Blaster!

B-Lo:Edit

It's "Mega Buster". This rhyme scheme is awful for the last two lines, like seriously. And now we get to the verses that don't make sense on why they were put in here. Just look.

(add more)